Humorous Zen

by **Zania Jaarda** » Wed Jan 21, 2004 10:59 pm

"It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snowblower or vacuum cleaner."
Ben Bergor

"Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated."
Garry Trudeau

"Have no fear of perfection--you'll never reach it."
Salvador Dali

"I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments."
Jim Morrison

by **Zania Jaarda** » Wed Jan 21, 2004 11:01 pm

"I'd much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships."
Gilda Radner

"Women are like cell phones. They like to be held and talked to, but push the wrong button, and you'll be disconnected."
Unknown

"People like you are the reason people like me take pills!"
Neva Faith Linn

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'"
Unknown

by **Zania Jaarda** » Wed Jan 21, 2004 11:02 pm

"Anyone seen in a bus over the age of 30 has been a failure in life."
Loelia, Duchess of Westminster

"There are two different kinds of people in this world: those who finish what they start, and"
Brad Ramsey

"Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?"
Mae West

"I don't at all like knowing what people say of me behind my back. It makes me far too conceited."
Oscar Wilde

by **Zania Jaarda** » Wed Jan 21, 2004 11:02 pm

"Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls."
Groucho Marx

"Life was so much easier when your clothes didn't match and boys had cooties!"
Unknown

"Our childhood is what we spend the rest of our lives overcoming."
Amy Bennett

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
Oscar Wilde

by **Zania Jaarda** » Wed Jan 21, 2004 11:03 pm

"A cousin of mine who was a casualty surgeon in Manhattan tells me that he and his colleagues had a one-word nickname for bikers: Donors. Rather chilling."
Stephen Fry

"A hard man is good to find."
Mae West

"Baseball is very big with my people. It figures. It's the only way we can get to shake a bat at a white man without starting a riot."
Dick Gregory

"A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married."
H.L. Mencken

by **Zania Jaarda** » Wed Jan 21, 2004 11:04 pm

"I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things."
Alan Coren

"I suppose we all have our recollections of our earlier holidays, all bristling with horror."
Flann O'Brien

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."
Groucho Marx

"No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes she were not."
H.L. Mencken

Humorous Zen

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