Movie Quote Zen!

Here lies games and other Zen Threads for the USS Zealous

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Postby Ti'ana » Tue Jun 29, 2004 9:07 pm

EVERYBODY Loves Mel Brooks!!!


Blazing Saddles:

[To himself, after fooling the town]
Bart: Oh, baby, you're *so* talented... and they are *so* dumb.

Hedley Lamarr: Repeat after me: I...
Men: I...
Hedley Lamarr: ...your name...
Men: ...your name...
Hedley Lamarr: [to himself] Shmucks.
[aloud]
Hedley Lamarr: ... do pledge allegiance...
Men: ...do pledge allegiance...
Hedley Lamarr: ...to Hedley Lamarr...
Men: ...to Hedy Lamarr...
Hedley Lamarr: That's *Hedley*.
Men: That's Hedley.

Lili Von Shtupp: Is that a ten-gallon hat, or are you just enjoying the show?

Lili Von Shtupp: A wed wose, how womantic.

[Recalling his gunfighting career]
Jim: I must have killed more men than Cecil B. DeMille.

Bart: Are we awake?
Jim: We're not sure. Are we black?
Bart: Yes, we are.
Jim: Then we're awake, but very puzzled.

Lili Von Shtupp: [singing] Here I stand, the goddess of desire / Set men on fire / I have this power. / Morning, noon, and night, it's dwink and dancing / Some quick womancing / And then a shower. / Stage door Johnnies constantly suwwound me / They always hound me, with one wequest. / Who can satisfy their lustful habits? / I'm not a wabbit. / I need some west.
Church Congregation: [singing] Now is a time of great decision / Are we to stay or up and quit? / There's no avoiding this conclusion: / Our town is turning into ****. Amen.

Mexican Bandit: Badges? We don't need no stinking badges.

[Jim downs a bottle of whiskey in one long guzzle]
Bart: A man drink like that and he don't eat, he is going to DIE.
Jim: When?

Bart: Mornin', ma'am. And isn't it a lovely mornin'?
Elderly woman: Up yours ******.

Lili Von Shtupp: [singing] I'm tired of men always coming and going, going and coming and always too soon.
[spoken]

Lili Von Shtupp: Vat am I, a rabbit?

Bart: I better go check out this Mongo character.
[Bart reaches for his gun]
Jim: Oh no, don't do that.
Bart: Why not?
Jim: If you shoot him, you'll just make him mad.

[Bart, disguised as a Klansman, describes his qualifications as a villain]
Bart: Stampeding cattle.
Hedley Lamarr: That's not much of a crime.
Bart: Through the Vatican?
Hedley Lamarr: [smiling] Kinky. Sign here.

Mongo: Mongo only pawn... in game of life.
Jim: Uh-oh, Bart. I think Mongo here's taken a liking to you.
Mongo: Huh-huh, naw, Mongo straight.

Taggart: I got it. I got it.
Hedley Lamarr: You do?
Taggart: We'll work up a "Number 6" on 'em.
Hedley Lamarr: "Number 6"? I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that one...
Taggart: Well, that's where we go a-ridin' into town, a whampin' and whompin' every livin' thing that moves within an inch of its life. Except the women folks, of course.
Hedley Lamarr: You spare the women?
Taggart: NAW. We rape the **** out of them at the Number 6 Dance later on.
Hedley Lamarr: Marvelous.
Jim: You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know... morons.
Hedley Lamarr: Meeting adjourned. Oh, I am sorry sir I didn't mean to overstep my bounds, you say that.
Governor William J. Le Petomane: What?
Hedley Lamarr: Meeting is adjourned.
Governor William J. Le Petomane: It is?
Hedley Lamarr: No, you say that governor.
Governor William J. Le Petomane: What?
Hedley Lamarr: Meeting is adjourned.
Governor William J. Le Petomane: It is?
Hedley Lamarr: Here sir, play with this.
[Hands the governor a rubber ball and paddle set]
Lili Von Shtupp: Hello, cowboy. Wha's your name?
Tex: Tex, Ma'am.
Lili Von Shtupp: Texmam? Well, tell me Texmam, are you in show business?
Tex: Well, no, ma'am.
Lilly von Schtupp: Then why don't you get your fwiggin' feet off o' the stage.
Lyle: The way you was lollygagging with them picks and shovels, you would think it was a hundred and twenty degrees out here. Can't be more 'n a hundred and fourteen.
Gabby Johnson: I wash born here, an I wash raished here, and dad gum it, I am gonna die here, an no sidewindin bushwackin, hornswaglin, cracker croaker is gonna rouin me bishen cutter.
[The railway crew discover quicksand up ahead, and one of them offers to ride up ahead to check it out]
Taggart: Horses? We can't afford to lose no horses. Send over a couple o' niggers.
[Taggart spots two workers on a hand-cart sinking into quicksand]
Taggart: Oh ****. Quick.
[Lassos the hand-cart and drags it (but not the men) out of the quicksand]
Taggart: Dang that was lucky. Doggone near lost a four hundred dollar handcart.
Taggart: Break's over, boys. Don't just lay there gettin' a suntan, ain't gonna do you no good anyhow. Now take this shovel and put it to some good use.
[Bart grabs a shovel and advances on Taggart from behind]
Charlie: Don't do it, Bart.
Bart: Uh-uh, baby, I have to.
Taggart: [to Lyle] Now send a wire to the main office and tell them that I said
[Bart whacks him]
Taggart: OW.
Lyle: Send wire, main office, tell them I said ow, gotcha.
[The Governor is having trouble putting his pen back into its holder]
Hedley Lamarr: Think of your secretary...
[The pen goes straight in]
Governor William J. Le Petomane: Thank you. That's a good one.
Hedley Lamarr: My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.
Taggart: God darnit Mr. Lamarr, you use your tongue prettier than a twenty dollar whore.
[Bart returns unexpectedly after being sentenced to death]
Charlie: They said you was hung.
Bart: And they was right.
[Gabby Johnson (on the roof of the church) spots the new sheriff riding into town]
Gabby Johnson: [shouting] The sheriff's a ******.
[The last word is lost in the peal of a church bell]
Harriett Van Johnson: What did he say?
Dr. Sam Johnson: He said the sheriff is near.
[Dr. Sam Johnson (with laurel wreath in hand) greets Bart (the new sheriff), reading from a piece of paper, not realizing that Bart is black]
Howard Johnson: As chairman of the welcoming committee, it's a pleasure to present a Laurel and Hardy handshake to our new
[finally looks up]
Howard Johnson: ... ******.
Bart: You be my guest, and I be your host. What be your pleasure, Jim?
Jim: I don't know... play chess... screw...
Bart: [quickly] Let's play chess.
[Bart on grandstand to the townspeople]
Bart: Excuse me while I whip this out.
[Bart reaches into waistline as crowd gasps and screams. Bart pulls out paper]
Crowd: Ahhhhh.
[describing how everyone wanted to duel him when he was The Waco Kid]
Jim: Then one day I hear "Reach for it, mister." I spun around, and there I was standing face to face with a six year old kid. Well, I just laid down my guns and walked away. Little bastard shot me in the ass. So I limped to the nearest saloon, crawled inside a whiskey bottle, and I've been there ever since.
[Lili von Schtupp has lured Bart back to her room]
Lili Von Shtupp: Is it true how zey say zat you people are... gifted?
[Lights go out, sound of zipper opening]
Lili Von Shtupp: Oh. It's twue. It's twue.
[Lili Von Schtupp offers Bart a gigantic sausage]
Lili Von Shtupp: Would you like another schnitzengruben?
Bart: No, thank you. Fifteen is my limit on schnitzengruben.
Lili Von Shtupp: Well how about a little...
[whispers in his ear]
Bart: [shocked] Baby. I'm not from Havana.
[to two members of the KKK]
Jim: Oh boys, lookee what I got heyuh.
Bart: Hey, where the white women at.
[Bart and Jim are wearing KKK outfits to infiltrate the enemy's lynch mob]
Jim: [spotting Bart's black hands] How many times have I told you to wash your hands after a weekly cross burning?
[Taggart whips off Bart's hood]
Bart: For my next impression, Jesse Owens.
[The lynch mob comes across a toll-booth in the middle of the desert]
Taggart: Someone's gotta go back for a shit-load of dimes.
[Jim: The Waco Kid has just shot the guns out of the hands of a dozen henchmen]
Bart: Don't just stand there clasping your hands in pain... How about a round of applause for The Waco Kid?
Adolf Hitler: They lose me right after the bunker scene.
Buddy Bizarre: Cut, cut, cut, this is a closed set.
Taggart: Piss on you, I'm working for Mel Brooks.
[Winds up to punch Buddy Bizarre]
Buddy Bizarre: Not the face. Not the face.
[Taggart complies, punching him in the stomach]
Buddy Bizarre: [collapsing] Thank you.
Hedley Lamarr: You will be risking your lives, whilst I will be risking an almost-certain Academy Award nomination for the Best Supporting Actor.
Jim: Another twenty-five years and you'll be able to shake their hands in broad daylight.
Taggart: I hired you people to try to get a little track laid, not to jump around like a bunch of Kansas City faggots.
Hedley Lamarr: Unfortunately there is one thing standing between me and that property - the rightful owners.
Hedley Lamarr: Qualifications?
Applicant: Rape, murder, arson, and rape.
Hedley Lamarr: You said rape twice.
Applicant: I like rape.
Bart: Now, I suppose you're all wondering just what in the heck you're doing out here in the middle of a prairie in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night.
Crowd: You bet your ass.
Bart: I'm hip.
Hedley Lamarr: My mind is aglow with whirling, transient nodes of thought careening thru a cosmic vapor of invention.
Taggart: Ditto.
Hedley Lamarr: "Ditto"? "Ditto," you provincial putz?
Bart: What's your name?
Jim: Well, my name is Jim, but most people call me... Jim.
Jim: Where you goin'?
Bart: Oh, nowhere special.
Jim: Nowhere special. Always wanted to go there.
Taggart: I got it.
Hedley Lamarr: What?
Taggart: Let's kill every first born male child in Rock Ridge.
Hedley Lamarr: Nah, too Jewish.
Taggart: What do you want me to do sir?
Hedley Lamarr: I want you to round up ever vicious criminal and gun slinger in the west. Take this down.
[Taggart looks for a pen and paper while Hedley talks]
Hedley Lamarr: I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists.
Taggart: [finding pen and paper] Could you repeat that, sir?
Reporter: Sir, those are dummies.
Governor William J. Le Petomane: How do you think I got elected?
Hedley Lamarr: Where's my froggy?
Henchman: We'll head them off at the pass.
Hedley Lamarr: Head them off at the pass? I hate that cliché.
[Rev. Johnson is addressing the town]
Reverend Johnson: Order, order. Goddamnit I said "order".
Howard Johnson: Y'know, Nietzsche says: "Out of chaos comes order."
Olson Johnson: Oh, blow it out your ass, Howard.
Reverend Johnson: Now I don't have to tell you good folks what's been happening in our beloved little town. Sheriff murdered, crops burned, stores looted, people stampeded, and cattle raped. The time has come to act, and act fast. I'm leaving.
Reverend Johnson: We will now read from Matthew, Mark, Luke...
[stick of dynamite sails in through window]
Reverend Johnson: ... and DUCK.
Hedley Lamarr: Maybe I could turn this thing into my advantage... if I could find a sheriff who so offends the citizens of Rock Ridge that his very *appearance* would drive them out of town.
[to camera]
Hedley Lamarr: But where would I find such a man?
[pause]
Hedley Lamarr: ... Why am I asking you?
[a gang, bent on destruction, reaches a tollbooth]
Taggart: Anybody got a dime? Somebody's gotta go back and get a shitload a' dimes.
Bart: [holding his own gun to his head] Nobody moves or the ****** gets it.
[Hedley gives Lili a bunch of flowers]
Hedley Lamarr: For you, my dear.
Lili Von Shtupp: Oh... how ordinawy
Governor William J. Le Petomane: Thank you, Hedy, thank you
Hedley Lamarr: It's not *Hedy*, it's *Hedley*. Hedley Lamarr.
Governor William J. Le Petomane: What the hell are you worried about? This is 1874. You'll be able to sue *her*.
[repeated line]
Lili Von Shtupp: Willkommen. Bienvenue. Welcome. C'mon in.
Bart: Well raise my rent. You are The Kid.
[Hedley is at Graumann's Chinese Theater]
Female tourist: Look, Irv. I'm in Heddy Lamar's shoes.
Hedley Lamarr: [running by] HEDLEY.
[After meeting black pioneers]
Indian Chief: Oy vey. They're darker than we are.
Buddy's Singers: Throw out your hands. / Stick out your tush. / Hands on your hips, give 'em a push. / You'll be surprised you're doing the French mistake. / Voila.
[When Taggart learns Bart is the new sheriff of Rock Ridge]
Taggart: Now if that don't beat all. Here we take the good time and trouble to slaughter every last Indian in the West, and for what? So we can appoint a sheriff that's blacker than any Indian. I AM depressed.
Lyle: Excuse me, Mr. Taggart, sir, but I sure do hate to see you like this. What if me and the boys was to shoot that ****** dead? Would that pep you up some?
Taggart: That might help . . .
Olson Johnson: All right, we'll give some land to the niggers and the chinks, but we DON'T WANT THE IRISH.
Singer: "Blazing Saddles": He conquered fear, and he conquered hate, / He turned our night into day, / He made his blazing saddle / A torch to light the way...
Bart: Sir, he specifically requested two "niggers". Well, to tell the family secret, my grandmother was Dutch.
Buddy Bizarre: Follow me, faggots!
[Harriet Johnson reads her letter to the Governor]
Harriet Johnson: [quietly] To the honorable William J. LePetomaine, Governor . . .
Townspeople: Louder! We can't hear you!
Harriet Johnson: I'm not used to public speaking... WE THE WHITE, GODFEARING CITIZENS OF ROCK RIDGE wish to express our extreme displeasure with your choice of sheriff. Please remove him immediately. The fact that you have sent him here just goes to prove that you are the leading asshole in the state!
Lt. Cmdr. Ti'ana Sullivan
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Postby Ti'ana » Tue Jun 29, 2004 9:11 pm

Memorable Quotes from
History of the World: Part I (1981)

Auctioneer: Where are you from?
Josephus: Ethiopia
Auctioneer: What part?
Josephus: 125th Street.


Count de Monet: Don't get saucy with me, Bernaise.

Dole Office Clerk: Occupation?
Comicus: Stand up philosopher.
Dole Office Clerk: What?
Comicus: Stand up philosopher. I coalesce the vapors of human existence into a viable and meaningful comprehension.
Dole Office Clerk: Oh, a BULLSH!T artist!

Empress Nympho: Say Bob, do I have any openings that this man might fit?
Crowd: Whooooaaaaaaa!
Bob: Well, we could use another wine steward.
Josephus: Hey, I got a great corkscrew.
Crowd: Whoooaaaaaaa!
Josephus: Damn, this a hip crowd!

Marcus Vindictus: Don't you know your right flank from your left flank?
Captain Mucus: I'm sorry sir, I flunked flank.
Marcus Vindictus: You flunked flank? Get the flunk out of here!

Oedipus: [walking around collecting donations] Give to Oedipus! Give to Oedipus! Hey Josephus!
Josephus: Hey, motherf@#$er!
Swiftus: Oh you are nuts. N-V-T-S - nuts!

Madame DeFarge: We are so poor, we don't even have a language! Just a stupid accent!
Fellow Revolutionist: She's right! We all talk like Maurice Chevalier!
[laughs]
Fellow Revolutionist: Au-haw-haw.
Crowd: Au-haw-haw.

Empress Nympho: [to her litter bearers] Could you *please* step on the same foot at the same time! My tits are falling off!

Empress Nympho: Virgins, put on your "no entry" signs! We are about to confront... guys!

Narrator: And of course, with the birth of the artist came the inevitable afterbirth - the critic.



Marcus Vindictus: What bait must I use to catch your love? I am your servant.
Empress Nympho: Ah, but the servant waits, while the master baits.

Comicus: The only thing we don't have a god for is premature ejaculation - but I hear that that's coming quickly.

[Condemned for offending Emperor Nero with his stand-up routine]
Comicus: Boy, when you die at the palace, you really DIE at the palace!

King Louis XVI: It's good to be the king!

Count de Monet: It is said that the people are revolting.
King Louis XVI: You said it! They stink on ice!

Plumbing Salesman: Pipe the sh!t out of your house!

Roman Senator: All fellow members of the Roman senate hear me. Shall we continue to build palace after palace for the rich? Or shall we aspire to a more noble purpose and build decent housing for the poor? How does the senate vote?
Entire Senate: F@#$ THE POOR!

Count de Monet: My Lord, you look just like the piss-boy!
King Louis XVI: And you look like a bucket of sh!t!

Insolent Flunky: Count yer money.
Count de Monet: Count de Monet!

Dole Office Clerk: [to a gladiator] Now listen this is your last week of unemployment insurance, either you kill somebody next week or we're going to have to change your status.

Apostle: Please go away!
Comicus: All right all right! Jesus!
Jesus: Yes?

Miriam: Miracle! Oh, what a beautiful name! What's yours?
Comicus: Miracle. Uh, Comicus. I'm a stand-up philosopher.
Miriam: Oh, I'm Miriam, I'm a vestal virgin.
Comicus: I'm really sorry to hear that.

Narrator: See; Hitler on Ice!

Monk: Let's face it; You can't Torquemada anything!

Dole Office Clerk: I'm sorry, I'm on my wine break.

Oedipus: Donations for the blind?


Emperor Nero: Wash this!

King Louis XVI: [sniffs cocaine into each nostril] Everything's so green.

Bearnaise: I don't like your cuffs!... I don't like your cuffs! I don't like your cuffs! A man's cuffs should be even with the tip of his 'pee-pee'. Yours are all the way down to your balls!
Count de Monet: At least I have them!
Bearnaise: Bitch!

Monsieur Rimbaud: [falls flat on face] What fool put a carpet on the wall?

Roman Officer: Seize him!
Josephus: [grabs crotch] Seize *this*, honkus!

Comicus: [during the Roman empire] So, have you heard about this new guys, the "Christians"? They are so poor... that they only have ONE God!
Lt. Cmdr. Ti'ana Sullivan
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Postby Ti'ana » Tue Jun 29, 2004 11:58 pm

Anyone who knows the Real Erin, knows that said 22 year old admittedly fairly attractive woman (HA!) :roll: has a serious cruch on a 15 year old kid. The kid in question plays Harry Potter, and they just happen to be Erin's favorite movies! So, the next few posts will contain quotes to said movies, in homage of my rather cradle robbing crush on a kid I could babysit.

Oh, by the way, the title for book six was just released. Its going to be called Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince.
According to JK Rowling though, this does not refer to Malfoy or Harry.



Memorable Quotes from
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (2001)

Hagrid: You're the boy who lived.

[after Harry mentions Fluffy to Hagrid]
Hagrid: who told you 'bout Fluffy?
Ron: Fluffy?
Hermione: That thing has a name?

Dumbledore: It does not do to dwell on dreams, Harry, and forget to live.

Ron: It's spooky! She knows more about you than you do!
Harry: Who doesn't?

Mr. Ollivander: I think it is clear that we can expect great things from you.

Dumbledore: Dear Mr. Potter, we are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Soon, you and your schoolmates will join us here, and your education in the magical arts will begin.

Hermione: Now, if you two don't mind, I'm going to bed before either of you come up with another clever idea to get us killed. Or worse, expelled.
Ron: She needs to sort out her priorities.

[Talking about Fluffy]
Hagrid: I lent him to Dumbledore to guard the...
Harry: Yes?
Hagrid: I shouldn't have told you that. No more questions, don't ask anymore questions!
[Repeated line]

Hagrid: I shouldn't have said that.

[in the Devil's Snare]
Hermione: Stop moving, both of you. This is devil's snare! You have to relax. If you don't, it'll only kill you faster!
Ron: Kill us faster? Oh, now I can relax!
[after Hermione and Harry sink in the Devil's Snare, Ron is still panicking]
Hermione: He's not relaxing, is he?
Harry: Apparently not.
Hermione: I remember reading about this in Herbology... Devil's Snare, Devil's Snare..."It's deadly fun, but will sulk in the sun" that's it! Devil's Snare hates sunlight! Luna Solem!
[She exerts a type of sunlight from her wand. Ron falls to the ground below]
Ron: (sigh) Lucky we didn't panic.
Harry: Lucky Hermione pays attention in herbology.

Hagrid: You're a wizard, Harry!
Harry: I'm a what?

Hermione: Harry, no way! You heard what Madame Hooch said, besides, you don't even know how to fly!
[Harry ignores Hermione, giving Malfoy an evil look, he flies up. The class stare up at him]
Hermione: What an idiot!

Draco Malfoy: [picks up Neville's Rememberall] Did you see his face? Maybe if that fat lump had given this a squeeze, he'd have remembered to fall on his fat ass.

Hermione: You'll be okay, Harry. You're a great wizard. You really are.
Harry: Not as good as you.
Hermione: Me? Books and cleverness. There are more important things: friendship and bravery. And Harry, just be careful.

Hermione: Ron, you don't suppose this is going to be like . . real wizard's chess, do you?
Ron: Yes Hermione, I think this is going to be exactly like wizard's chess.

Harry: I swear I don't know. One second the glass was there and the next it was gone. It was like magic.
Uncle Vernon: There is no such thing as magic!

Draco Malfoy: Think my name's funny, do you? No need to ask you yours. Red hair... and a hand-me-down robe... you must be a Weasley.

Dumbledore: What happened in the dungeon between you and Professor Quirrell is a complete secret, so naturally, the whole school knows.

[about Every Flavor Beans]
Dumbledore: I was unfortunate enough in my youth to come across a vomit-flavored one, and since then I have rather lost my liking for them. But, I think I could be safe with a nice toffee.
[eats it]
Dumbledore: ...Hmm, alas, earwax.

Ron: Wingardium leviosa!
Hermione: Stop, stop stop! You're going to take someone's eye out. Besides, you're saying it wrong. It's Levi-o-sa, not Levio-sar

Ron: You're a little scary sometimes, you know that. Brilliant. But scary.

Hagrid: Dry up Dursley, you great prune!

Percy Weasley: And keep an eye on the staircases. They like to change.

[The Weasleys are boaring Platform 9 3/4; Percy has already gone through]
Molly Weasley: Fred, you next.
George Weasley: He's not Fred, I am!
Fred Weasley: Honestly woman, And you call yourself our mother.
Molly Weasley: I'm sorry, George.
[Fred moves forward]
Fred Weasley: I was only joking. I am Fred.

Seamus Finnigan: I'm half and half. Dad's a muggle, Mam's a witch. Bit of a nasty shock for him when he found out.

Draco Malfoy: So it's true then, what they were saying on the train. Harry Potter has come to Hogwarts.

Caretaker Argus Filch: A pity they let the old punishment die... Was a time detention found you hanging by your thumbs in the dungeons... God, I miss the screaming.

Oliver Wood: Scared, Harry?
Harry: A little.
Oliver Wood: It's all right. I felt the same way before my first game.
Harry: What happened?
Oliver Wood: Er, I don't really remember. I took a bludger to the head two minutes in. Woke up in the hospital a week later.

Dudley Dursley: Daddy's gone mad hasn't he?

Professor McGonagall: This boy will be famous. There won't be a child in our world who doesn't know his name.

Harry: I can't be a wizard. I'm just Harry, just Harry.

Mr. Ollivander: It's curious that you should be destined for this wand when its brother gave you that scar.

Ron: I'm Ron by the way, Ron Weasley.
Harry: I'm Harry. Harry Potter.
Ron: So... so it's true! I mean, do you really have the... the...
Harry: The what?
Ron: [in a hushed tone] The scar?
[Harry shows him the scar on his forehead]
Ron: Wicked!

Professor Severus Snape: I can teach you how to bewitch the mind, and ensnare the senses. I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, and even put a stopper in death.

Neville Longbottom: The only problem is I can't remember what I've forgotten.

Ron: I think we've had a bad influence on her.


Ron: It's you that has to go on, Harry. I know it. Not me. Not Hermione. You!
Dumbledore: It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to your friends.

Dumbledore: It was one of my more brilliant ideas. And between you and me, that is saying something.

Dumbledore: And finally, I must tell you that this year, the third-floor corridor on the right-hand side is out of bounds to everyone who does not wish to die a most painful death.

Ron: That was bloody brilliant!
Professor McGonagall: Well, thank you for that assessment, Mr Weasley. Perhaps it would be more useful if I were to transfigure Mr Potter and yourself into a pocket watch. That way, one of you might be on time.
Harry: We got lost.
Professor McGonagall: Then perhaps a map? I trust you don't need one to find your seats.

Ron: What do they think they're doing, keeping a thing like that locked up in a school?
Hermione: You don't use your eyes, do you? Didn't you see what it was standing on?
Ron: I wasn't looking at its feet! I was a bit preoccupied with its heads... or maybe you didn't notice? There were three!

[Looking at a recently hatched dragon]
Hagrid: Isn't he beautiful? Oh, bless him! Look! He knows his mummy! 'alo Norbert!
Harry: Norbert?
Hagrid: Yeah, well, he's gotta have a name, don't he?

Ron: Immortal?
Hermione: It means you'll never die.
Ron: [angry] I know what it means!

Ron: Mental that one, I'm telling you.

Harry: [on how Hagrid is refusing to say Voldemort's name] Maybe if you wrote it down...
Hagrid: Nah. Can't spell it.

[about the Bludgers]
Oliver Wood: Nasty little buggers.

Hagrid: Not all wizards are good.

Vordermont: There is no good and evil, there is only power, and those too weak to seek it...

[Quirrel runs into the Great Hall in hysterics]
Professor Quirrel: Troll in the dungeon! Troll in the dungeon!
[stops, is suddenly calm]
Professor Quirrel: Thought you ought to know.
[passes out on floor]

[Harry's suspicious that Snape was stealing the Philosopher's Stone]
Professor Quirrel: Yes, he does seem the type, doesn't he? Why, next to him, who would suspect p-p-poor, st-st-stuttering Professor Quirrell?

Professor Severus Snape: Mr. Potter. Our new celebrity.

Ron: Sunshine, daisies, butter mellow, turn this stupid, fat rat yellow!

Uncle Vernon: He'll not be going!
Hagrid: Oh, and I suppose a great muggle like yourself is gonna stop him, are ya?

[After being in the Dark Forest]
Harry: I think if he had the chance, he would have killed me tonight.
Ron: And to think, I've been worrying about my potions final.

Professor McGonagall: [on Harry and Ron beating the Mountain Troll] Five points will be awarded to each of you...
[Ron and Harry smile at each other]
Professor McGonagall: ...for sheer dumb luck.

Fred Weasley: Well done, Harry. Wood just told us.
Ron: Fred and George are on the team, too. Beaters.
George Weasley: Our job is to make sure you don't get bloodied up too bad. Can't make any promises, though. Rough game, Quidditch.
Fred Weasley: Brutal, but no one died in years. Someone will vanish occasionally, but they always turn up in a month or two!

Professor Severus Snape: What would three young Gryffindors such as yourselves be doing inside... on a day like this?
[After Harry, Ron, and Hermoine fail to provide an answer]
Professor Severus Snape: You ought to be more careful. People with think you're...
[sees Harry staring at him]
Professor Severus Snape: up... to something.

Professor McGonagall: Nothing, I repeat, nothing... gives a student the right to walk about the school at night. Therefore, as punishment for your actions, 50 points will be taken.
Harry: 50?
[Ron and Hermione also looking shocked, Draco smirking]
Professor McGonagall: Each.
[Harry's mouth drops open]
Professor McGonagall: And to ensure it doesn't happen again... all four of you will receive detention.
Draco Malfoy: [smirk suddenly fades and steps up] Excuse me, professor, perhaps I heard you wrong. I thought you said the four of us.
Professor McGonagall: No, you heard me correctly. You see, as honorable as your intentions were, you too were out of bed after hours... You will join your classmates in detention.

[Hagrid's sad about Norbert being taken away]
Caretaker Argus Filch: For God's sake, pull yourself together man. You're going into the Forest after all. Got to have your wits about you eh?
Draco Malfoy: The Forest? I thought that was a joke. We can't go in there. Students aren't allowed. And there are...
[a howling noise is heard]
Draco Malfoy: ...werewolves.
Caretaker Argus Filch: Oh, there's more than werewolves in those trees, you can be sure of that. Nighty night.

Mr. Ollivander: We can expect great things from you. After all, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named did great things. Terrible, yes! But great!

Harry: Excuse me sir, can you tell me where I might find Platform 9 and 3 quarters?
Station Guard: 9 and 3 quarters? Think you're being funny do ya?
[muttering to himself]
Station Guard: 9 and 3 quarters!

[Stepping over Neville lying on the floor, who Hermione has petrified using the 'Patrificus Totalus Curse']
Harry: Sorry.
Hermione: Sorry.
Ron: It's for your own good, you know.

Ron: I look good!

[Dudley's birthday]
Dudley Dursley: How many are they?
Uncle Vernon: 36, counted them myself.
Dudley Dursley: 36! But last year-Last year I had 37!
Uncle Vernon: Yes,Yes, but some of them are quite bigger than lasts years.
Dudley Dursley: I don't care how big they are!

Sorting Hat: Not Slytherin eh? Are you sure? You could be great you know! Its all here in your head... and Slytherin will help you on the way to greatness.
Sorting Hat: Better make it... GRYFFINDOR!

[Hagrid has just very aggressively knocked down the door where the Dursleys are staying]
Hagrid: [Calmly] Sorry 'bout that
[Picks door up and slams it back in place]

Sorting Hat: Ah! Another Weasly. I know just what to do with you.

Seamus Finnigan: Eye of rabbit, heartstring hum, turn this water into rum.
[he checks the goblet, then tries again]
Harry: What's Seamus trying to do to that glass of water?
Ron: Turn it into rum. He managed a weak tea yesterday before...
[explosion]

Professor McGonagall: Are the rumors true, Albus?
Dumbledore: I'm afraid so, Professor. The good... and the bad.

Hermione: Honestly, don't you two read?

Draco Malfoy: OK. Then I get Fang!
Hagrid: Fine. Just so you know, he's a bloody coward.

[After seeing Ron's queen destroy Harry's knight]
Hermione: That's totally barbaric!
Ron: That's wizard's chess.

[telling how to get past fluffy]
Hagrid: you just play a bit of music and he'll fall right to sleep... I shouldn't have told you that!

Harry: Say, Percy, who's that teacher talking to Professor Quirrell?
Percy Weasley: That's Professor Snape, head of Slytherin House.
Harry: What's he teach?
Percy Weasley: Potions. But everyone knows it's the Dark Arts he fancies. He's been after Quirrell's job for YEARS.

Draco Malfoy: You'll soon find out that some wizarding families are better than others, Potter. You don't want to go making friends with the wrong sort.

Nearly Headless Nick: Hello, how are you? Welcome to Gryffindor!

Professor Severus Snape: There will be no foolish wand waving or silly incantations in this class.

Mr. Ollivander: The wand chooses the wizard, Mr. Potter. It's not always clear why.

Seamus: [in Charms class] Wingard Leviosa. Wingard Levi...
[BOOM]
Harry: I think we're going to need another feather over here, professor.

[in King's Cross]
Hagrid: What are you lookin' at?

Harry: I think I can pick out the wrong sorts thank you.

Ron: [mimicking Hermione] "It's Levi-o-sa not Leviosar." She's a nightmare, honestly. It's no wonder she hasn't got any friends!
Harry: I think she heard you.

Ron: [looking for information about Nicholas Flamell] We must have looked a hundred times.
Hermione: [leaning closer] Not in the restricted section, you haven't.

Hermione: [putting a large book on the table] I got this out weeks ago for a bit of light reading.
Ron: This is light?

Hagrid: If that dolt of a cousin of yours, Dudley, gets up to any mischief, you could always threaten him with a nice pair of ears, to go with that tail.
Harry: But, Hagrid, we,re not allowed to do magic outside Hoqwarts.
Hagrid: I know that, but your cousin don't, do he?

Hermione: It seems strange to be going home, doesn't it?
Harry: [looking at Hagrid] I'm not going home, not really.
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Postby Ti'ana » Wed Jun 30, 2004 12:05 am

Memorable Quotes from
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)

Ron: Why spiders? Why couldn't it be "follow the butterflies"?

Harry: Voldemort killed my parents, he was nothing more than a murderer.
Lucius Malfoy: Hmm, you must be very brave to mention his name... .or very foolish.

Ron: They were starving him, Mum. There were bars on his window.
Mrs. Weasley: You'd best hope I don't put bars on your window, Ronald Weasley.

Draco Malfoy: Why are you wearing glasses?
Harry: [disguised as Goyle] Uhh... Reading.
Draco Malfoy: Reading? I didn't know you could read.

Hermione: Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself.

Gilderoy Lockhart: AMAZING. This is just like magic.

Tom Marvolo Riddle: Voldemort is my past, present, and future.

Harry: [to Dobby] Never try to save my life again.

Ron: Follow the spiders. Follow the spiders. If Hagrid ever gets out of Azkaban, I'll kill him.

Harry: Not to be rude or anything, but this isn't a great time for me to have a house elf in my bedroom.

Dumbledore: It is not our abilities that show what we truly are... it is our choices.

Mrs. Weasley: Your sons drove that enchanted car of yours to Surrey and back last night.
Arthur Weasley: [To the boys] Did you really? How did it go?
[Mrs. Weasley hits him]
Arthur Weasley: I mean, that was very wrong indeed boys. Very wrong of you.

Prof. Sprout: Oh, Longbottom's been neglecting his earmuffs.
Seamus Finnigan: No, ma'am, he's fainted.
Prof. Sprout: [pauses and sighs] Yes, well, just leave him there.

Gilderoy Lockhart: Hello. Who are you?
Ron: Ron Weasley.
Gilderoy Lockhart: Really? And, er, who am I?
Ron: [to Harry] Lockhart's Memory Charm backfired. He hasn't got a clue who he is.
Gilderoy Lockhart: [picks up a rock] It's an odd place isn't it? Do you live here?
Ron: [takes rock from Lockhart] No.
[hits Lockhart on the head with rock, knocking him out]

Moaning Myrtle: Oh, Harry? If you die down there, you're welcome to share my toilet.
Harry: Uh... thanks, Myrtle.

Oliver Wood: I don't believe it! Where do you think you're going, Flint?
Marcus Flint: Qudditch practice!
Oliver Wood: But I booked the pitch for Gryffindor today.
Marcus Flint: Easy, Wood. I've got a note.
Oliver Wood: "I, Professor Severus Snape do hereby give the Slytherin team permission to practice today, owing to the need to train their new Seeker." You've got a new seeker? Who?
[Malfoy steps out from behind the crowd]
Harry Potter: Malfoy?
Draco Malfoy: Thats right. And that's not all that's new this year.
[Shows everyone the new brooms]
Ronald Weasley: Those are Nimbus Two-Thousand and Ones! How'd you get those?
Marcus Flint: A gift from Draco's father.
Draco Malfoy: You see, Weasley, unlike some, my father can afford the best.
Hermione Granger: At least no one on the Gryffindor team had to buy their way in. They got in on pure talent.
Draco Malfoy: No one asked your opinion you filthy little Mudblood!
Ronald Weasley: You'll pay for that one Malfoy! Eat slugs!
[Ron's spell backfires, causing him to spit up slugs]
Colin Creevy: Can you turn him around Harry?
Harry Potter: No Colin! Get out of the way!

Neville Longbottom: Why is it always me?

Uncle Vernon: And Dudley, you will be?
Dudley Dursley: I'll be waiting to open the door.
Uncle Vernon: Excellent. And you?
Harry: I'll be in my bedroom, making no noise and pretending I don't exist.

[As Ron spits out slugs]
Hagrid: Better out than in.

Tom Marvolo Riddle: Funny, the damage a silly little book can do, especially in the hands of a silly little girl.

Tom Marvolo Riddle: How is it that a baby with no extraordinary magical talent was able to defeat the greatest wizard of all time? How did you escape with nothing but a scar, while Lord Voldemort's powers were destroyed?

Lucius Malfoy: Let me see; red hair, vacant expressions, tatty second-hand books, you must be the Weasleys.

Arthur Weasley: Now, Harry you must know all about Muggles, tell me, what exactly is the function of a rubber duck?

Ron: [in high voice] My wand. Look at my wand.
Harry: Be thankful it's not your neck.
Ron: Say it, I'm doomed.
Harry: You're doomed.

Draco Malfoy: Famous Harry Potter... Can't even go into a book shop without making the front page.

Draco Malfoy: The last time The Chamber of secrets was opened a Mudblood died. So it's only a matter of time before one of them is killed this time. As for me... I hope it's Granger.

Ron: Dad loves muggles, he thinks they're fascinating.

Hermione: Even in the wizarding world, hearing voices isn't a good sign.

Moaning Myrtle: I'm Moaning Myrtle. I wouldn't expect you to know me. Who would ever want to talk about ugly, miserable, moping, moaning Myrtle. AHHH.
Hermione: She's a little sensitive.

Harry: You better clear out before my bones grow back, I'm might strangle you.
Dobby: Dobby is used to death threats, he gets them five times a day at home.

Harry: It's a snake skin.
Ron: Bloody hell. Whoever shed this must be 60 feet long, or more.
[Gilderoy Lockhart passes out]
Ron: [to Harry] Heart of a lion, this one.

Draco Malfoy: Training for the ballet, Potter?

Hermione: Look. Hagrid's our friend, why don't we just go and ask him about it?
Ron: Oh, that'd be a cheerful visit. "Ello Hagrid! Tell us, have you been setting anything mad and hairy loose in the castle lately?"
[Hagrid has walked up behind them]
Hagrid: Mad and hairy? Yer wouldn't be talkin' about me, now would ya?
Ron, Hermione, Harry: No.

Lucius Malfoy: Let us hope that Mr. Potter will always be around to save the day.
Harry: Don't worry. I will be.

Draco Malfoy: Scared, Potter?
Harry: You wish.

Filch: Well, I'd take a good look lads. This night might be the last you spend in this castle. Oh dear, we are in trouble.

Hermione: He called me a Mudblood.
Hagrid: He did not.

Harry: Ron, I should tell you, most Muggles aren't exactly accustomed to seeing a flying car.

[To Tom Riddle]
Harry: [smiling] I bet Dumbledore saw right through you.

Harry: Albus Dumbledore is the greatest sorcerer in the world.
Tom Marvolo Riddle: Dumbledore has been driven out of this castle by the mere memory of me.

The Sorting Hat: Bee in your bonnet, Potter?
Harry: I was just wondering, whether you put me into the right house?
The Sorting Hat: Yes, you were particularly difficult to place, but I stand on what I said last year: You would have done well in Slytherin.
Harry: You're wrong.

Harry: But I haven't received any messages, from any of my friends. Not one, all summer.
Dudley Dursley: Who'd want to be friends with you?

Hagrid: [to invisible Harry and Ron] If, er, anybody was looking for some stuff, then all they have to do is follow the spiders. Yep. That'd lead 'em right. That's all I have to say. Oh, and someone'll need ter feed Fang while I'm away.

[whether or not Malfoy is the Heir of Slytherin]
Ron: Maybe we could trick them into telling.
Hermione: Even THEY aren't that thick.

Harry: There's no Hogwarts without you Hagrid.

Ginny: Mummy, have you seen my jumper?
Mrs. Weasley: Yes dear, it was on the cat.

Mrs. Weasley: Now don't forget to speak very, very clearly.
Harry: Diagonally.
[Harry vanishes]
Mrs. Weasley: What did he say dear?
Arthur Weasley: Diagonally.
Mrs. Weasley: I thought he did.

Gilderoy Lockhart: Harry, Harry, Harry. Can you possibly imagine a better way to serve detention, than by helping me answer my fan mail?
Harry: Not really.
Gilderoy Lockhart: Fame is a fickle friend Harry. Celebrity is as celebrity does. Remember that.

Professor Snape: Weasley's wand causes devastation with the simplest spells. We'll be sending Potter to the hospital wing in a matchbox.

Harry: Your bird, there was nothing I could do. He just caught fire.
Dumbledore: Oh, and about time too. He's been looking dreadful for days. Pity you had to see him on a burning day.

Gilderoy Lockhart: Books can be misleading.
Harry: You wrote them.
Gilderoy Lockhart: My dear boy, do use your common sense. My books wouldn't have sold half as well if people didn't think I'D done all those things.

[After Harry pushes him down into the Chamber]
Gilderoy Lockhart: It's really quite filthy down here.

Hermoine: Do you think he's alright?
Ron: Who cares?

Tom Marvolo Riddle: So this is what Dumbledore sends his great defender. A songbird and an old hat.

Tom Marvolo Riddle: Let's match the powers of Lord Voldemort, Heir of Salazar Slytherin, against the famous Harry Potter.

Dobby: Dobby is very sorry, Dobby had to iron his hands...

Gilderoy Lockhart: Professor Dumbledore has granted me permission to start this little dueling club, to train you all up, in case you ever need to protect yourself, as I myself have done on countless occasions. For full details, see my published works.

Hermione: Look at my face.
Ron: Look at your tail.

[after the attack on Mrs. Norris]
Professor Snape: If I might, Headmaster. Perhaps Potter and his friends were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. However, the circumstances are suspicious. I, for one, don't recall seeing Potter at dinner.
Gilderoy Lockhart: That was my doing, Severus. You see, Harry was helping me answer my fan mail.

Gilderoy Lockhart: Allow me to introduce you to your new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher; me. Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary member of the Dark Force Defense League, and five time winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award. But I don't talk about that; I didn't get rid of the Banden Banshee by smiling at him.

Lucius Malfoy: What's the use of being a disgrace to the name of wizard, if they don't even pay you well for it?
Arthur Weasley: We have a very different idea about what disgraces the name of wizard, Malfoy.
Lucius Malfoy: Clearly.

Lucius Malfoy: Your scar is legend. As of course, is the wizard who gave it to you.

[After Lockhart reveals his ineptness at fighting the Dark Arts]
Ron: Is there anything you CAN do?
Gilderoy Lockhart: Yes, now that you mention it. I'm rather gifted with Memory Charms. Otherwise, all those wizards would have gone blabbing. I'd have never sold another book.

Tom Marvolo Riddle: Haven't I told you? Killing Mudbloods doesn't matter to me any more. For many months now, my new target has been you.

[Crabbe and Goyle eat the floating Sleeping Draught cupcakes]
Ron: How thick can you get?

Professor Snape: You were seen! By no less than seven Muggles! Do you have any idea how serious this is? You have risked the exposure of our world! Not to mention the damage you inflicted on Whomping Willow, that's been on these grounds since before you were born!
Ron: Honestly, Professor Snape, I think it did more damage to us.
Professor Snape: Silence! I assure you that were you in Slytherin and your fate rested with me, the both of you would be on the train home TONIGHT!

Ron: Have you spoken to Hermione?
Harry: She should be out of hospital in a few days... when she stops coughing up fur balls.

[Harry and Ron are staring at each other after changing into Crabbe and Goyle]
Ron: [in own voice] Bloody Hell!
Harry: We still sound like ourselves. You've got to sound more like Crabbe.
Ron: [in lower voice] Um... Bloody hell
Harry: Excellent.

Draco Malfoy: Look, Potter! You've got yourself a girlfriend.

Ron: Enlighten me. Why are we brewing this potion in broad daylight, in the middle of a girls' lavatory? Don't you think we'll get caught?

Howler (Mrs. Weasley): RONALD WEASLEY! HOW DARE YOU STEAL THAT CAR? I AM ABSOUTELY DISGUSTED! YOU'RE FATHER'S NOW FACING AN INQUIRY AT WORK, AND IT'S ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT! IF YOU PUT ANOTHER *TOE* OUT OF LINE, WE'LL BRING YOU STRAIGHT HOME! And Ginny, dear, congratulations on making it into Gryffindor. Your Father and I are so proud.
[tears itself up]

Lucius Malfoy: Now, now Draco, play nicely.

Tom Marvolo Riddle: He certainly kept an annoyingly close watch on me after that!
Moaning Myrtle: ...Here I am, minding my own business, and someone thinks it's funny to throw a book at me.
Ron: But, it can't hurt if someone throws something at you. I mean, it would just go right through you.
Moaning Myrtle: [swooping down towards Ron] Sure! Let's all throw books at Myrtle, because she can't feel it. Ten points if you get it in her stomach.
[punches Ron in stomach]
Moaning Myrtle: Fifty points if it goes through her HEAD.
[punches Ron in head]

[the friends are discussing who the heir of Slytherin could be]
Ron: Let's think. Who do we know that thinks all Muggle-borns are scum.
Hermione: If your'e talking about Malfoy...?
Ron: Of course, Malfoy. You heard what he said "You'll be next, Mudblood"!
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Postby Ti'ana » Wed Jun 30, 2004 12:13 am

Memorable Quotes from
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)

Harry: [reading from the map] "Messrs Mooney, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs, offer their compliments to Professor Snape and request that he keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business."

Hermione: [after Hagrid gives Ron Scabbers back] I think you owe someone an apology.
Ron: Right. Next time I see Crookshanks, I'll let him know.
Hermione: [annoyed] I meant me!

Hermione: Is that really what my hair looks like from the back?

Ron: I'm warning you Hermione! You better keep that bloody beast of yours away from Scabbers or I'll turn it into a tea cozy!
Hermione: It's a cat, Ronald! What do you expect? It's in his nature.
Ron: A cat? Is that what they told you? It looks more like a pig with hair if you ask me.
Hermione: That's rich! Coming from the owner of that smelly old shoe brush. It's all right, Crookshanks, just ignore the mean little boy.

Ron Weasley: [sitting up boltright in bed] Spiders... the spiders... they were making me tap-dance. And I don't want to tap-dance!
Harry Potter: [laughing] Yeah, you tell those spiders Ron
Ron Weasley: Yeah tell them... I'll tell them...
[falls straight back asleep]

Professor Snape: Well, well, Lupin. Out for a little walk... in the moonlight?

Harry: [pointing wand to Marauder's map] I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.
[last lines]

Hermione: Did I mention its the most haunted place in Britain?
Ron: Twice, I think.
Hermione: Oh. Do you want to move closer?
Ron: Huh?
Hermione: To the Shrieking Shack.
Ron: Oh, no. I'm ok here.

Harry: What's the hold up?
Ron: Neville's probably forgotten the password again.
Neville Longbottom: [behind them] Hey!
Ron: Oh, you're there!

Ron: We didn't mean to open it.
[pause]
Ron: It was badly wrapped.
[pause]
Ron: [points at Fred and George] They made me do it!

Professor Lupin: Now repeat after me - without wands please - repeat after me, Riddikulus.
Class: Riddikulus!
Professor Lupin: And again
Class: Riddikulus!
Malfoy: This class is ridiculous.

Ron: What the bloody hell was that all about?
[repeated line]
Ron: Bloody hell!

Malfoy: Ahh, come to watch the show?
Hermione: YOU FOUL, LOATHSOME, EVIL LITTLE COCKROACH!
[Hermione raises wand at Malfoy]
Ron: Hermione, no. He's not worth it.
[Hermione lowers wand]
Ron: [Malfoy laughs and then Hermione socks him in the nose]
[Malfoy and friends run away]
Hermione: That felt good.

Ron: Not good, Brilliant
Hermione: If you're going to kill Harry, you'll have to kill us, too.
Sirius Black: Only one will die tonight.

Shrunken Head: Watch your head!

[after being "attacked" by Buckbeak the hippogriff]
Malfoy: You're going to regret this.
Hagrid: Class dismissed.
Malfoy: You and your bloody chicken.

Sirius Black: Brilliant, Snape; once again you've put your keen and penetrating mind to the task and as usual come to the wrong conclusion. Now if you'll excuse us, Remus and I have some unfinished business to attend to.
Professor Snape: Give me a reason. I beg you.
Professor Lupin: Severus, don't be a fool.
Sirius Black: He can't help it. It's habit by now.
Professor Lupin: Sirius, be quiet...
Sirius Black: Go bite yourself, Remus!
Professor Snape: Listen to you two, quarrelling like an old married couple.
Sirius Black: Why don't you run along and play with your chemistry set?
Professor Snape: I could do it you know. But why deny the Dementors? They're so longing to see you. Do I detect a flicker of fear? Ah yes. The Dementor's Kiss. One can only imagine what that must be like to endure. It's said to be nearly unbearable to witness but I'll do my best.
Professor Lupin: [yelling at Snape] Severus, don't be such a fool!

Hermione: Ancient Egyptians used to worship cats, you know.
Ron: Yeah, along with the dungbeetle.

Hermione: Beautiful day.
Ron: [scarastily] Gorgeous... Unless of course you've been ripped to pieces.
Harry: [confused] Ripped to pieces? What are you talking about?
Hermione: [annoyed] Ronald has lost his rat.
Ron: I haven't lost anything! Your cat killed him!
Hermione: Rubbish!
Ron: Harry, you've seen the way that blood thirsty beast of hers is always lurking about. Scabbers is gone!
Hermione: Well maybe you should lern to take better care of your pets!
Ron: Your cat killed him!
Hermione: Did not!
Ron: Did!
Hermione: Didn't!

Hermione: Harry... what's happened?
Harry: He was their friend, and he betrayed them. HE WAS THEIR FRIEND!... I hope he finds me! Because when he does, I'm gonna be ready! When he does, I'M GOING TO KILL HIM!

Harry: [reading] Messers Mooney, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs proudly present The Marauder's Map.
George Weasley: We owe them SO much.

Professor Trelawney: Your aura is pulsing my dear. Are you in the beyond? I think you are.
Ron: Sure...
Professor Trelawney: Cup... tell me what you see.
Ron: Oh yeah um... well um Harry got sort of a wonky cross,
[checks the book]
Ron: that's 'trials and suffering'. And that there could be the sun and thats
[checks book again]
Ron: 'happiness'. So you're gonna suffer but you'll gonna be happy about it.

Harry: She got what she deserved!
[points wand at Uncle Vernon]
Uncle Vernon: You're not allowed to use magic outside your school!
Harry: Yeah? Try me.
Uncle Vernon: You don't have anywhere to go.
Harry: [angry] I don't care. Anywhere else is better than here!

Ron: Hermione, how did you get here?

Professor Lupin: Eat this. It'll help.

Harry: Why would I go looking for someone who wants to kill me?

Professor Snape: Have you any idea as to how Black got in?
Dumbledore: Many, each as unlikely as the next.

Stan Shunpike: Welcome to the Knight Bus, emergency transport for the stranded witch or wizard. My name is Stan Shunpike and I will be your conductor this evening.

Harry: I knew I could do it because I already saw myself do it. Does that make any sense?
Hermione: No, and I hate flying.

[the train has stopped]
Ron: There's something moving out there.

Sirius Black: It's a pity that I got to spend so much time with them and you so little. But remember Harry, the ones we love never truly leave us. They will always be found right here.
[puts his hand over Harry's heart]

Ron: [looking at Lupin who has just turned into a werewolf] Nice doggie... nice doggie...

Dumbledore: A word of caution: dementors are vicious creatures. They will not distinguish between the one they hunt and the one who gets in there way. Therefore I must warn each and every one of you to give them no reason to harm you. It's not in the nature of a dementor to be forgiving. But you know happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, when one only remembers to turn on the light.

Professor Lupin: You know the very first time I saw you, Harry, I recognized you immediately. Not by your scar, by your eyes. They're your mother, Lilly's. Yes, oh yes. I knew her. Your mother was there for me at a time when no one else was. Not only was she a singly gifted witch, she was also an uncommonly kind one. She had a way of seeing the beauty in others even none perhaps. Most especially when that person couldn't see it in themselves. Then your father, James on the other hand, he uh ha, he had a certain shall we say talent for trouble. The talent, rumor has it, he passed onto you. You are more like them than you know, Harry. In time you'll come to see just how much.

Ron: Neville, you're supposed to stroke it!

Hermione: [howls]
Harry: What are you doing?
Hermione: Saving your life!
Harry: Thanks!... he's coming this way!
Hermione: Didn't think about that...


Harry: Expecto Patronum!

Shrunken Head: [while the Knight Bus is stretching to squeeze between two buses] Why the long faces?

Harry: Poor Professor Lupin is having a really rough night.

Hermione: Come on everywhere else is full.
Ron: [sees Lupin] Who do you think that is?
Hermione: Professor R.J. Lupin.
Ron: Do you know everything? How is it she knows everything?
Hermione: [annoyed] It's on his suitcase, Ronald!
Ron: Oh.

Professor Trelawney: The study of Divination will give you the rare gift of Sight!
[stands up, and promptly bumps into her table]

George Weasley: You can know where everyone is...
Fred Weasley: every minute...
George Weasley: of everyday.
Fred Weasley: And when you're done, just say...
George Weasley, Fred Weasley: Mischief managed! Otherwise anyone can read it!

Professor Lupin: Our pain becomes their power.

Hermione Granger: [to Buckbeak] Come on Buckbeak! Come and get the nice dead ferret!

Harry: Nice punch.
Hermione: Thanks.

Hermione: At least somebody's enjoying himself.

Professor Lupin: What frightens you the most?
Neville Longbottom: [mumbling] Pfsr Snpe.
Professor Lupin: Hmm? Speak up!
Neville Longbottom: Professor Snape.
Professor Lupin: Professor Sna- well, he frightens all.

Harry: [seeing himself in the past] That's us! This is not NORMAL.

Sirius Black: Come out, come out, Peter! Come out, come out and play!

Malfoy: [outside the shrieking shack to Ron and Hermione] Well well. Look who's here, you two shopping for your new dream home?


Professor Snape: Potter, what are you doing wandering the corridors at night?
Harry: I was sleep walking.
Professor Snape: Extraordinarily like your father you are Potter, he too was exceedingly arrogant, strutting about the castle.
Harry: My Dad, didn't strut, and nor did I. And if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you lower your wand.

Harry: Professor Dumbledore, we did it! We saved him!
Dumbledore: Did what? Good night.

Harry: It's not exactly a happy memory... it's complicated.
Professor Lupin: Is it strong?

Hermione: Ow! That looks really painful.
Ron: It's sorta painful. They uh, they might... chop it.
Hermione: I'm sure Madame Pomfrey will fix it in a heartbeat.
Ron: It's too late, it's ruined. It'll have to be chopped off.

Aunt Marge: They use the cane at St. Brutus's, boy?
Harry: Oh. Yeah, yeah. I... I've been beaten loads of times.

Stan Shunpike: What you doin' down there?
Harry: I fell over.
Stan Shunpike: Well, what you fell over for?
Harry: I didn't do it on purpose.
Stan Shunpike: Well come on then! Let's not wait for the grass to grow!

Harry: [about the Marauder's Map] Professor, I don't think it always works. Earlier... it showed someone in the castle... someone I know to be dead.
Professor Lupin: Who?
Harry: Peter Pettigrew.
Professor Lupin: That's not possible.

Ron: [seeing Hermione appear in class] When did she come in? Did you SEE her come in?

Ron: [when Harry and Hermione reappear] But, you were just there! I... I was talking to you there! And now you're there!
Hermione: What's he talking about Harry?
Harry: I dunno. Honestly Ron, how can people be in two places at once?

Professor Lupin: [commenting on Sirius' ragged looks] Finally, the flesh reflects the madness within.
Sirius Black: Well, you'd know all abous within.t the madness within, wouldn't you Remus?

Sirius Black: The tail I can live with. But the fleas... They murder.

Ginny Weasley: The Fat lady... she is gone!
Ron: Serves her right. She was a terrible singer...
Hermione: That's not funny, Ron!

[About Sirius]
Ron: So Sirius Black has broken out of Azkaban to come after you?
Hermione: But they catch Black won't they?
Ron: Sure... except no ones broken out of Azkaban before and he's a murderous, raving lunatic.
Harry: [sarcastily] Thanks Ron.

Professor Snape: That is the second time you have spoken out of turn, Miss Granger. Are you incapable of restraining yourself, or do you take pride in being an insufferable know-it-all?
Ron: He has a point, you know.

Shrunken Head: Ern, little old lady at twelve o'clock.
[the Knight Bus screeches to a halt]
Shrunken Head: Ten... nine... eight... seven... six... five... four... 'tree'... 'tree' and a half... two... one and 'tree' quarters... YES!


Hermione: [gazing at a crystal ball] Can I give it a try?
Professor Trelawney: Yes, sure!
Hermione: The grim? Perhaps?
Professor Trelawney: You know, Hermione, the moment I looked into your eyes I knew that you did not have the mind for the noble art of Divination.
[looking at her palm]
Professor Trelawney: See? Right here. You're young in years but the heart that beats beneath your bosom is as shriveled as an old maid's, your soul as dry as the pages of the books to which you so desperately cleave.
[Hermione gets up and leaves, angrily]
Professor Trelawney: Have I said something?

Sirius Black: Sorry about the bite, I reckon it twinges a bit.
Ron: Twinges? You nearly tore it off!
Sirius Black: Well I was going for the rat.

Harry: Professor Trelawney?
Professor Trelawney: [in a deep, raspy voice] He will return tonight! He who betrayed his friends - whose heart rots with murder! Innocent blood shall be shed and servant and master shall be reunited once moooooooore!
[coughs]
Professor Trelawney: Oh, I'm sorry, dear. Did you say something?

Harry: I didn't mean to blow her up, I just... lost control.
Ron: Brilliant!
Hermione: Honestly Ron, it's not funny! Harry was lucky not to be expelled.
Harry: I think I was lucky not to have been arrested actually.
Ron: I still think it's brilliant.

Hermione: [to Harry] Look who it is... Madame Rosmerta, Ron fancies her!
Ron: That's not true!

Ron: She's gone mental, Hermione has! I mean, not that she wasn't always. But, now it's out there in the open for everyone to see.

Sirius Black: Enough talk, let's kill him!
Professor Lupin: Wait!
Sirius Black: I DID MY WAITING! TWELVE YEARS OF IT! IN AZKABAN!

[Maid opens a door]
Young Witch Maid: Housekeeping!
[A loud roar from the room, and the door slams shut]
Young Witch Maid: I'll come back later.

Stan Shunpike: Take it away, Ern.
Shrunken Head: Yeah, take it away, Ern! Get ready - it's gonna be a bumpy ride!
Stan Shunpike: What did you say your name was again?
Harry: I didn't.
Stan Shunpike: Well, whereabout are you headed?
Harry: The Leaky Cauldron! That's in London.
Stan Shunpike: D'you hear that, Ern? The Leaky Cauldron that's in London.
Shrunken Head: Ah, the Leaky Cauldron! You get the pea soup, make sure you eat it before it eats you!

Harry: [about the Marauder's Map] What's this rubbish?
George Weasley: "What's this rubbish?" he says.
Fred Weasley: That is the secret to our success.
Harry: [sees Dumbledore on the Marauder's Map] Is that really - ?
George Weasley: Dumbledore.
Fred Weasley: In his study.
George Weasley: Pacing.
Fred Weasley: He does that often.

George Weasley: [about the newspaper clipping Ron was showing Harry and Hermione] Not flashing that clipping again, are you Ron?
Ron Weasley: I haven't shown anyone!
Fred Weasley: No, not a soul! Just Tom.
George Weasley: The day maid.
Fred Weasley: The night maid.
George Weasley: The cook.
Fred Weasley: That bloke who came to fix the toilet.
George Weasley: And that wizard from Belgium!

Percy Weasley: I'm Head Boy!
Lt. Cmdr. Ti'ana Sullivan
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