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SLA Ten Forward • View topic - Humorous Zen

Humorous Zen

Here lies games and other Zen Threads for the USS Zealous

Moderator: [Sim] Zealous - Hosts

Postby Zania Jaarda » Tue Oct 14, 2003 9:02 pm

"My biggest regret in life is that I didn't hit John Denver in the mouth while I had the chance."
Denis Leary

"Once you're dead you're made for life."
Jimi Hendrix

"Mick Jagger is about as sexy as a peeing toad."
Truman Capote

"All the good music has already been written by people with wigs and stuff."
Frank Zappa

"I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke."
Spike Milligan
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Wed Oct 15, 2003 1:09 am

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Postby Zania Jaarda » Wed Oct 15, 2003 1:10 am

Zania Jaarda
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Posts: 25868
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Wed Oct 15, 2003 1:11 am

Zania Jaarda
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Posts: 25868
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Wed Oct 15, 2003 1:12 am

Zania Jaarda
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Posts: 25868
Joined: Wed Jul 09, 2003 10:27 pm
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Wed Oct 15, 2003 1:13 am

Zania Jaarda
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Posts: 25868
Joined: Wed Jul 09, 2003 10:27 pm
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Wed Oct 15, 2003 1:13 am

Zania Jaarda
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Posts: 25868
Joined: Wed Jul 09, 2003 10:27 pm
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Wed Oct 15, 2003 1:14 am

Zania Jaarda
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Posts: 25868
Joined: Wed Jul 09, 2003 10:27 pm
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Wed Oct 15, 2003 1:14 am

Zania Jaarda
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Posts: 25868
Joined: Wed Jul 09, 2003 10:27 pm
Location: USS Zealous

Postby Zania Jaarda » Wed Oct 15, 2003 1:15 am

Zania Jaarda
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Posts: 25868
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Wed Oct 15, 2003 1:16 am

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Postby Zania Jaarda » Wed Oct 15, 2003 8:19 am

"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet."
Rodney Dangerfield

"You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is."
Ellen DeGeners

"Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac."
George Carlin

"I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?"
Paul Merton

"There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn't stand for that."
Steve Martin
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Wed Oct 15, 2003 8:19 am

"I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own."
Les Dawson

"The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney..."
Steven Wright

"First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down."
George Burns

"The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with."
Marty Feldman

"We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture."
Robin Williams
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Wed Oct 15, 2003 8:21 am

"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"
Steven Wright

"For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off."
Johnny Carson

"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.' "
Charlie Brown

"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population."
David Letterman

"Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches."
Jim Carrey
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Wed Oct 15, 2003 8:22 am

"Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps."
Emo Philips

"If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either."
Dick Cavett

"I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets."
Dave Edison

"Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives."
Sue Murphy

"Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash."
Jerry Seinfeld
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Wed Oct 15, 2003 8:23 am

"A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree."
Spike Milligan

"Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff."
Steven Wright

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die."
Mel Brooks

"I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet."
Henry Youngman

"I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper."
Emo Philips
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Wed Oct 15, 2003 8:25 am

"Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time."
Steven Wright

"I'm so unlucky that if I was to fall into a barrel (with women) I'd come out sucking my thumb."
Freddie Starr

"How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven."
Spike Milligan

"My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden."
Eric Morecambe

"You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest."
Rowan Atkinson
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Wed Oct 15, 2003 8:28 am

"Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife."

"Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!"

"A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke."

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."

"Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!"
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Wed Oct 15, 2003 8:28 am

"Women should be obscene and not heard."

"Either he's dead or my watch has stopped."

"I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members."

"I must confess, I was born at a very early age."

"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Wed Oct 15, 2003 8:29 am

"Room service? Send up a larger room."

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."

"A man's only as old as the woman he feels."

"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."

"If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you."
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Wed Oct 15, 2003 8:30 am

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."

"Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?"

"Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted."

"A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five."

"Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others."
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Wed Oct 15, 2003 10:16 am

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Postby Zania Jaarda » Wed Oct 15, 2003 10:17 am

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Postby Zania Jaarda » Wed Oct 15, 2003 10:19 am

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Postby Zania Jaarda » Wed Oct 15, 2003 10:20 am

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