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Here lies games and other Zen Threads for the USS Zealous

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Postby Zania Jaarda » Tue Oct 07, 2003 9:40 pm

Japanese Mistranslation :
The American slogan for Salem cigarettes, "Salem - Feeling Free," got translated in the Japanese market into "When smoking Salem, you feel so refreshed that your mind seems to be free and empty".

Japan's second-largest tourist agency was mystified when it entered English-speaking markets and began receiving requests for unusual sex tours. Upon finding out why, the owners of Kinki Nippon Tourist Company changed its name.

A warning to motorists in Tokyo: "When a passenger of the foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet at him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage, then tootle him with vigor."

Panasonic developed a complete Japanese Web browser, and to make the system user-friendly, licensed the cartoon character Woody Woodpecker as the "Internet guide." Panasonic eventually planned on a world version of the product. The day before the ads were to be released, Panasonic decided to delay the product launch indefinately. The reason: an American staff member at the internal product launch explained to the stunned and embarrassed Japanese what the ad's slogan, "Touch Woody - The Internet Pecker", might mean to English speakers.

In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

In a Tokyo hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel toweles please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read this notice.

In a Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.

In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

Diversion sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop - Drive Sideways.
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Tue Oct 07, 2003 9:41 pm

English text on products made in Japan solely for Japanese consumers :
Message printed on an eraser: "Mr. Friendly Quality Eraser. Mr. Friendly Arrived!! He always stay near you, and steals in your mind to lead you to a good situation.". On the bottom of the eraser is a further message: "We are ecologically minded. This package will self-destruct in Mother Earth."

On Coke cans: "I FEEL COKE & SOUND SPECIAL".

Text on a shopping bag picturing dancing elephants: "ELEPHANT FAMILY ARE HAPPY WITH US. THEIR HUMMING MAKES US FEEL HAPPY."

Text on a shopping bag showing yachts on a blue sea: "SWITZERLAND: SEASIDE CITY".

A range of products by a company called Cream Soda used to have the slogan: "Too fast to live, too young to happy".
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Tue Oct 07, 2003 9:42 pm

Spanish Mistranslation :
When General Motors introduced the Chevy Nova in South America, it was apparently unaware that "no va" means "it won't go". After the company figured out why it wasn't selling any cars, it renamed the car in its Spanish markets to the Caribe.

When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to say "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you". However, the company's mistakenly thought the Spanish word "embarazar" meant embarrass. Instead the ads said that "It wont leak in your pocket and make you pregnant".

An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of the desired "I Saw the Pope" in Spanish, the shirts proclaimed "I Saw the Potato".

Chicken-man Frank Perdue's slogan, "It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken", got terribly mangled in another Spanish translation. A photo of Perdue with one of his birds appeared on billboards all over Mexico with a caption that explained "It takes a hard man to make a chicken aroused".

In an Acapulco hotel a sign read "The manager has personally passed all the water served here".
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Tue Oct 07, 2003 9:44 pm

Other Languages :
Czechoslovakia: in a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.

Denmark: in a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.

German/Austria: a sign in a hotel catering to skiers read "Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension".

German/Austria: on a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.

British/England: in an effort to boost orange juice sales in predominantly continental breakfast eating England, a campaign was devised to extol the drink's eye-opening, pick-me-up qualities. Hence, slogan, "Orange juice. It gets your pecker up".

German/Germany: in a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

German/Germany: a sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.

Greek/Greece: in a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

Polish/Poland: on the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

Portuguese/Brazil: Ford had a problem in Brazil when the Pinto flopped. The company found out that Pinto was Brazilian slang for "tiny male genitals". Ford pried all the nameplates off and substituted Corcel, which means horse.

Romania: in a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

Russian/Russia: on the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

Russian/Russia: in the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

Russian/Russia: a translated sentence from a Russian chess book: A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.

Serbia: in a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Tue Oct 07, 2003 9:45 pm

Other Languages continued:
Sweden: in the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.

Switzerland: in a Swiss menu: "Our wines leave you nothing to hope for".

Switzerland: in a Swiss mountain inn: Special today - no ice cream.

Taiwan: the translation of the Pepsi slogan "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" came out as "Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead"

Thailand: an ad for donkey rides asked "Would you like to ride on your own ass?".

Thailand: in a Bangkok dry-cleaners: Drop your trousers here for best results.

Thailand: in a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.

Yugoslavia: a sign in a hotel read "The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid. Turn to her straightaway."

Yugoslavia: in the Europa Hotel, in Sarajevo, Yugoslavia, you will find this message on every door: "Guests should announce the abandonment of theirs rooms before 12 o'clock, emptying the room at the latest until 14 o'clock, for the use of the room before 5 at the arrival or after the 16 o'clock at the departure, will be billed as one night more.".

Unknown (South Africa? France? Australia?): in a Rhodes tailor's shop: Order your summers suit. Because in big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
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Postby Taneth » Tue Oct 07, 2003 10:37 pm

That last one is definately not from Australia.
If the apocalypse comes, I sure hope it comes in the form of Threadfall because I am SO getting a dragon.
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Tue Oct 14, 2003 8:37 pm

"A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on"
Samuel Goldwyn

"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.' "
Charlie Brown

"The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev."
Robin Williams

"Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches."
Jim Carey

"The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder."
Alfred Hitchcock
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Tue Oct 14, 2003 8:38 pm

"When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself."
Peter O'Toole

"A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live."
Bob Hope

"Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television."
Woody Allen

"Television has brought back murder into the home -- where it belongs."
Alfred Hitchcock

"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population."
David Letterman
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Tue Oct 14, 2003 8:40 pm

"This film cost $31 million. With that kind of money I could have invaded some country."
Clint Eastwood

"I don't want any yes-men around me. I want everyone to tell me the truth--even if it costs him his job."
Samuel Goldwyn

"Who the (heck) wants to hear actors talk?"
H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927

"In Hollywood, if you don't have happiness you send out for it."
Rex Reed

"I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper."
Gary Cooper (on his decision not to take the leading role in "Gone With The Wind.")
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Tue Oct 14, 2003 8:40 pm

"Shoot a few scenes out of focus. I want to win the foreign film award."
Billy Wilder

"How did I get to Hollywood? By train."
John Ford

"In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One."
Yakov Smirnoff

"I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom."
Bob Hope

"Television: A medium. So called because it's neither rare nor well done."
Ernie Kovacs
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Tue Oct 14, 2003 8:42 pm

"All I need to make comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl."
Charlie Chaplin

"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."
George Gobal

"I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract."
Groucho Marx

"Sarah Brightman couldn't act scared on the New York subway at 4 o'clock in the morning."
Joel Segal

"I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bulls#!t."
Mel Brooks
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Tue Oct 14, 2003 8:43 pm

"Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory."
Joan Rivers

"Julie Andrews has lilacs instead of (private) hairs."
Christopher Plummer

"We don't want the television script good. We want it Tuesday."
Dennis Norden

"I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host."
David Letterman

"After The Wizard Of Oz I was typecast as a lion, and there aren't all that many parts for lions."
Bert Lahr
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Tue Oct 14, 2003 8:44 pm

"Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?"
John Mendosa

"What's another word for thesaurus?"
Steven Wright

"This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two."
George Burns

"Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire PR officers."
Daniel J. Boorstin

"Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me."
G.W. Hegel
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Tue Oct 14, 2003 8:46 pm

"To write a diary every day is like returning to one's own vomit."
Enoch Powell

"Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet."
Mark Twain

"When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read."
Hilliare Belloc

"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me."
Hunter S. Thompson

"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."
Terry Pratchett
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Tue Oct 14, 2003 8:47 pm

"Fiction writing is great. You can make up almost anything."
Ivana Trump

"In Australia, not reading poetry is the national pastime."
Phyllis McGinley

"It's not a good idea to put your wife into a novel; not your latest wife anyway."
Norman Mailer

"I always start writing with a clean piece of paper and a dirty mind."
Patrick Dennis

"They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days."
Garrison Keilor
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Tue Oct 14, 2003 8:48 pm

"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher."
Socrates

"The most important thing for poets to do is to write as little as possible."
TS Eliot

"My reputation grows with every failure."
George Bernard Shaw

"Beware of the man who denounces women writers; his (private part) is tiny and he cannot spell."
Erica Jong

"The difference between fiction and reality is that fiction has to make sense."
Tom Clancy
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Tue Oct 14, 2003 8:49 pm

"The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time."
Bob Monkhouse

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend and inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
Groucho Mark

"Write something, even if it's just a suicide note."
Gore Vidal

"What would I do if I had only six months left to live? I'd type faster."
Isaac Assimov

"The only imaginative fiction being written today is income tax returns."
Herman Wouk
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Tue Oct 14, 2003 8:51 pm

"I adore adverbs; they are the only qualifications I really much respect."
Henry James

"Victor Hugo was a madman who thought he was Vistor Hugo."
Jean Cocteau

"Once you've put one of his books down, you simply can't pick it up again."
Mark Twain (talking about Henry James)

"What other culture could have produced someone like Hemmingway and not seen the joke?"
Gore Vidal

"Critics are to authors what dogs are to lamp-posts."
Jeffrey Robinson
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Tue Oct 14, 2003 8:52 pm

"An incinerator is a writer's best friend."
Thornton Wilder

"Someone told me that each equation I included in the book would halve the sales"
Stephen Hawking (A Brief History of Time)

"The covers of this book are too far apart."
Ambrose Bierce

"The profession of book writing makes horse racing seem like a solid and stable business."
John Steinbeck

"I have been commissioned to write an autobiography and I would be grateful to any of your readers who could tell me what I was doing between 1960 and 1974."
Jeffrey Bernard
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Tue Oct 14, 2003 8:53 pm

"Dr Donne's verses are like the peace of God; they pass all understanding."
James I

"They told me that Gladstone read Homer for fun, which I thought served him right."
Winston Churchill

"The Compleat Angler is acknowledged to be one of the world's books. Only the trouble is that the world doesn't read its books, it borrows a detective story instead."
Stephen Leacock

"This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force."
Dorothy Parker

"It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous."
Robert Benchley
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Tue Oct 14, 2003 8:54 pm

"An author who speaks about their own books is almost as bad as a mother who speaks about her own children."
Benjamin Disraeli

"Immature poets imitate; mature poets steal."
TS Eliot

"If you steal from one author, it's plagiarism; if you steal from many, it's research."
Wilson Mizner

"I am the kind of writer that people think other people are reading."
VS Naipaul

"My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something."
Groucho Marx
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Tue Oct 14, 2003 8:55 pm

"A publisher who writes is like a cow in a milk bar."
Arthur Koestler

"Accuracy to a newspaper is what virtue is to a lady; but a newspaper can always print a retraction."
Adlai Stevenson

"All bad poetry springs from genuine feeling."
Oscar Wilde

"Nothing induces me to read a novel except when I have to make money by writing about it. I detest them."
Virginia Woolf

"I never read the life of any important person without discovering that he knew more and could do more than I could ever hope to know or do in half a dozen lifetimes."
JB Priestley
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Tue Oct 14, 2003 8:59 pm

"The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet."
Oliver Herford

"Most rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk for people who can't read."
Frank Zappa

"Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings."
Ed Gardner

"I went to watch Pavarotti once. He doesn't like it when you join in."
Mick Miller

"I bought an audio cleaning tape. I'm a big fan of theirs."
Kevin Gildea
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Tue Oct 14, 2003 9:00 pm

"People are wrong when they say opera is not what it used to be. It is what it used to be. That is what's wrong with it."
Noel Coward

"Jerry Lewis has been married twenty times. He gets married on a Tuesday, they find his wife dead in a swimming pool on Thursday. Maybe if you married someone who's old enough to swin next time, OK Jerry?"
Denis Leary

"Opera in English is, in the main, just about as sensible as baseball in Italian."
H.L. Mencken

"I hate music, especially when it's played."
Jimmy Durante

"All music if folk music. I ain't never heard no horse sing a song."
Louis Armstrong
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Tue Oct 14, 2003 9:01 pm

"Parsifal is the kind of opera that starts at six o'clock. After it has been going three hours, you look at your watch and it says 6.20."
David Randolph

"Wagner has lovely moments but awful quarters of an hour."
Gioacchino Rossini

"Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands, and all you can do is scratch it!"
Thomas Beecham

"Pavarotti is not vain, but conscious of being unique."
Peter Ustinov

"The concert is a polite form of self induced torture."
Henry Miller
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