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A PBEM sim taking place on a Prometheus Class vessel. The cutting edge in Federation technology with a good sized crew and a great deal of excitement.

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Postby Zania Jaarda » Fri Aug 08, 2003 10:34 pm

Trek-lines (can also double for bumper stickers)

Air Geordis - TNG footwear
Beam me aboard Scotty. Aye, will a 2x4 do, Captain?
Borg spreadsheet: Locutus 1-2-3
Borg? Where? I don't se*(#$#..NO CARRIER
Confused? Call Counselor Troi 1-900-NCC-1701: $1.95/minute
Definition of Terror: A female Klingon with PMS.
He's not dead, Jim, he's just metabolically challenged.
Hey, Worf...I hooked Data up to a Modem...Wanna see?
I am Clinton of Borg. Your income will be assimilated.
If Q were castrated, would he become O?
It is fatal to live too long and prosper.
It's Ensign Flintstone - he's Fred, Jim.
It's worse than that, it's physics, Jim!
(munch munch) He`sh bread, Jim! (munch munch)
My father was betrayed at Khitomer and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt!
My other vehicle is a Galaxy Class Starship ...
Prune Juice. A warriors drink!
Real Trekkers work out at the He's Dead Gym.
Reality is for people who can't handle Star Trek.
Romulan warbird decloaking sir... û“[²Ùáê NO CARRIER
Set laser printers to "stun".
The Borg assimilated me & all I got was this stupid T-Shirt!
The option to override self-destruct expir@^%i@&$#NO CARRIER
The universe is a spheroid region 705 meters in diameter...
Tribble math: * + * = ******************************
We secretly replaced the dilithium with Folger's Crystals...

And my personal favorite:

Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes!
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Fri Aug 08, 2003 10:42 pm

Worfisms - things said by your favorite Klingon!

Thinking about what you can't control wastes energy, and creates its own
problems.

Are you supposed to just *sit* here?

That is a woman's game. All the wild cards support a *weak* hand. In a man's
game there are no wild cards.

All these wild cards. It is difficult to know what exactly is in my hand.
However, I will open with fifty.

AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHH! That is how the Klingon lures a mate. (Wesley:
Are you telling me to go yell at Cilea?) No. Men do not roar. *Women*
roar.... Then they hurl heavy objects.... And claw at you...! (Wesley: What
does the man do?) He reads love poetry...! He ducks a lot.

Good tea. Nice house.

Nice planet.

May I inform you, sir, that your attempt to hold the landing party with a non-
functioning weapon was an act of unmitigated gall. (Kevin: Didn't fool you,
huh?) I admire gall.

You are *not* Fekl'hr!

Talk, or play. Not both!

Comfortable chair.

Swimming is too much like bathing.

Nice legs. For a human.

Sir, I protest. I am *not* a merry man!

I will *not* play the fool for Q's amusement!

Please, madam, that is a torpedo launch initiator! And...it is Worf, not Woof.

I...was detained.

(Q: What do I need to do to convince you that I'm mortal?) Die!

Did you design this program yourself? (Alexander: Well, Mr. Barclay helped me a
little.) I must have a...talk with Mr. Barclay.

Bluffing is not one of Counselor Troi's strong suits.

This *is* sex! But I have no place for it in my life now!

Klingons *appreciate* strong women.

Rest assured, commander, we will be victorious whatever the cost. (...) If
winning is not important, Commander, why keep score?

Klingons do not allow themselves to be...probed.

You are doing very well. I'm sure the child will arrive soon. (...)
Congratulations. You are now fully dilated to ten centimeters. You may now
give birth. (...) The computer simulation was not like this. That delivery was
*easy*.

Captain, these are Romulans! They are *without* honor. (...) They believe
humans and Klingons are a waste of skin.

Do not be fooled by her looks. The body is just a shell.

(Anya: You know I'm stronger than you.) I was unprepared.

I have wagered heavily in the ship's pool that you will take him past the sixth
level. (Riker: And if I don't?) I will be...irritated.

I like my species the way it is!

I am not easy to get along with.

Words come later. It is the scent which first speaks of love.

I have much to teach you about women!

I've been tutoring him. He learns very quickly.

Less talk! More synthohol.

A warrior does not complain of physical discomfort.

There are very few individuals on board who could have broken my wrist.

Human bonding rituals often involve a great deal of talking and dancing and
crying.


Riker: He must have died in bed.
Worf: What a terrible way to die!


A friend has died in the line of duty, and has earned a place among the
honored dead. It is not a time to mourn.

"I did not play with toys."

"Nice hat."

(to Data, re Spot): "I will feed him."

"What Klingons dream of would chill your blood. It is better that you
do not know."

KIRA: Do Klingons have Gods?
WORF: Not any more. They were all slain by Klingon warriors a millenium
ago. They were more trouble than they were worth.

O'BRIEN: Worf, Keiko's having another baby.
WORF: NOW???

Worf: I am a warrior, not a murderer.
Garak: What you are is a great disappointment.
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Fri Aug 08, 2003 10:44 pm

The World According to Garak

"The Truth is usually just an excuse for a lack of imagination."

"Treason, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder."

"Never tell the same lie twice."

"Haven't you heard? This is the plan where I pretend to be their
friend... and then I shoot YOU!"

Garak: Why Doctor they're all true.
Bashir: Even the lies?
Garak: Especially the lies. . .

"I'm not in the mood for rude, noisy and vulgar today."

"If there's one thing Cardassians excel at, it's conversation."

Worf: I am a warrior, not a murderer.
Garak: What you are is a great disappointment.
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Big Brother+Star Trek

Postby Jake Sjet » Sat Aug 09, 2003 5:56 pm

Space, the final frontier.
Their ten week mission, to shamlessly get onto the front pages for ten weeks running.
Day One, and Captain Kirk addresses the crew.

Crew, of, the, starship, Enterprise. We, musty, get into the, papers, at, least twice a,week or, we will all end up in, Las Vegas.

Big Brother, suplimental. The crew have completed the house challenge and have earned thier weeks rations of dilitium crystals for Spock night light when disater stikes, as Captain Kirk attepts to give Scotty a back rub in the hot tub after remving his corset.

"Captain, ye canny hold your gut in, he canny contain the fat, ye canny break the laws of physics!" Obviously their was a black hole nearby distorting the soace time continum, as the hot tube exploded two hours later due to stregtual stress.

Day Seventy Two, and Spock is called into the diary room.
BB- How do you feel Spock?
Sp- I do not under stand the question.
BB- How are you getting aloing with the other house mates?
Sp- There illogical behavior is, irrational at the best of times.
BB- Do you wish to vote anyone out?
Sp- That would mean I hated someone. Hate is a human emotion, I am Vulvan. But I'm half human so I'd have to say that smimmy gout McCoy.
BB- Live Long and Prosper Spock of Vulcan.
Sp- Keep it real.

Day One Hundred and Nine, and the crew have lost their fragile grip on reality.
Spock is running anround with underware on his head, McCoy is learning why he has so many hyposparys. Scotty is getting to know scotch whisky and Sulu has diluded himself into thinking he's Bruce Lee.
Tune in next week when we vote some one back in, and then watch as the group ritual sacrifce him to the food replicator for choclate.
Ensign Keth Soban, Medic on the USS Legacy

Fellow Crew Injured By Keth: X


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Postby Zania Jaarda » Sat Aug 09, 2003 6:00 pm

ROTFL!!! Sounds like you've got a serial on your hands there, Jake! I hope that you continue this! I definitely want to see more!
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Postby Jake Sjet » Sat Aug 09, 2003 6:02 pm

Oh I'll do Voyager, DS9 Enterprise and no doubt the Next Generation with that timeless line "Data, are you fully functional?"
The only thing that can stop me now is a law suit!
Ensign Keth Soban, Medic on the USS Legacy

Fellow Crew Injured By Keth: X


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Postby Zania Jaarda » Sat Aug 09, 2003 6:04 pm

ROTFLASTC!!!!!! I can't wait to see that one!!!!

If you did a crossover with Star Wars, you could even work in Wedge's infamous line: "Look at the size of that thing!"
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Sat Aug 09, 2003 11:07 pm

Star Trek Bumper Stickers

------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you can read this, our cloaking device is broken again!!
My other ship is the U.S.S. Enterprise
Terrans - they're not just for breakfast any more.
KISS MY WARP DRIVE, STAR FLEET! - Star Fleet Academy Drop out.
Beam this Scotty!
Honk if you think it will do any good - In a Vacuum
I'd rather be abducting humans!
When Phasers Are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Have Phasers
Keep On Warpin'
Martian-American and Proud
Have you conquered a planet today?
Assimilation is not a family value.
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Sat Aug 09, 2003 11:08 pm

Top 34 Shows On The 24 Hour Star Trek Cable Channel
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dr. Crusher, Medicine Woman
Deep Space 90210
Mad About Q
Dianna Troi's Psychic Friends Network
Datas of Our Lives
Jean Luc Picard's Hair Club for Men
Sickbaywatch
MTV's Holodeck Unplugged
Late Night With Klingon O'Brien
Larry Klingon Live
Married with Chakotay
I Dream of Sulu
Alpha Quadrant's Most Wanted
60 Light Minutes
TROI STORY
The New Scotty Workshop
Interplanetary Love Connection
Saved By the Borg
Friday the 12056.1th
Red Shirt Diaries
Where's Odo?
How to make a -good- sci-fi series, starring Captain Sheridan
Mission Illogical.
People Who Can't Spell WORF
Beavus and Betazed
Non-Stop Ferengi Informercials
Genesis's funniest home videos
Spaceship Improvement
Klingon Gladiators
The Borgy Bunch
Excercise with Beverly!
101 ways to fix tribbles for dinner
Bones and Butthead
24th Century Love Connection, hosted by Commander Riker
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Sat Aug 09, 2003 11:09 pm

Top 21 Songs From "Star Trek: The Musical"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Make It So, Make It So, Make It So...
On the good ship Enterprise
Somewhere over the wormhole
Klingon in the rain
We Will, We Will Spock You
You Ain't Nothing But A Klingon...
Phasers of the Night
Lucy in the Sky with Data
Cardassian Rhapsody
More Klingon Than Klingon
Star Trekkin'
A hundred bottles of Romulan Ale on the wall...
Assimilation (Is makin' me wait)
I Found My Thrill On Dilitium Hill
I Love Q, Q Loves Me...
Dem Bones, dem Bones...
Till I Hear It From Q
The Logical Song- by Vulcan Supertramp
Data, You're a fool to cry
Jesus built my starship
De-ann-a ... I just met a girl called Deanna ...
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Sun Aug 10, 2003 12:16 am

Since Jake Sjet thinks that I'm crazy anyways, I think he'll appreciate this:

HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY

1) At lunch time, sit in your parked car w/sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3) Insist that your e mail address is: Xena-Warrior-Princess@companyname.com or Elvis-the-King@companyname.com

4) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

5) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.

6) Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."

7) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

8) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

9) In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors.'

10) Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."

11) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."

12) Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights Up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.

13) Don't use any punctuation

14) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

15) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

16) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

17) Sing along at the opera.

18) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

19) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is of the opposite gender.)

20) Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example, "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom, in Stall #3."

21) Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.

22) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

23) Call the psychic hotline and don't say anything.

24) Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.

25) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!" "3rd time this week!!!"

26) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!"

27) Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, its the voices in your head that do."

28) Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

29) Every time you see a broom, yell "Honey, your mother is here?"

30) And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity....Ask someone for a trashbag. When they ask "what for?" Tell them it's your security blanket.
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Postby Jake Sjet » Sun Aug 10, 2003 8:48 am

Big Brother Two- Voyager
The USS Voyager has been transpoerted to a far away land wherre everyhting is different and everyone wnats to kill them, yes their in a TV show.
Day Two, and the crew are optomistic to their chance of a return to their homes, ei a soon to be released DVD box set.
Day Ten and the Doctor is invited back to SEvens bed room for the eveneing "Computer, reconfigure me into, something more comfortable."
After abhalf hour of what can only be described as the Northeren Lights Chakotay stumbles in on the two. He then runs out screaming "My vison quest never saw that coming!"
Big Brother, stardate 127346.3,m and half the crew are queing out side the toliets after one of Nellix's Suprise Dish's, soon after Nellix is vote off, out of an airlock and inot hte real world where he has no hope of survival, unless he can get a part on Read Set Cook!
Big Brother, suplimental, and Tuvok has snapped like Tom's wit and he can be fond in the chiken hut repeating the same words again and again "I am Vulcan, I am Vulcan, I am..."
Ensign Keth Soban, Medic on the USS Legacy

Fellow Crew Injured By Keth: X


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Postby Zania Jaarda » Sun Aug 10, 2003 8:51 am

LOL! Another good one, Jake! I can't wait for more!
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Postby Jake Sjet » Sun Aug 10, 2003 8:59 am

Thankyou thank you, I'll be posting DS9 nest week if any one wants to help me on that
Ensign Keth Soban, Medic on the USS Legacy

Fellow Crew Injured By Keth: X


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Postby Zania Jaarda » Sun Aug 10, 2003 10:29 am

FROG AT THE BANK

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the loan officer. He can see from her nameplate that the loan officer's name is Patricia Whack.

So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."

Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

The frog says, "$30,000."

She asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK; he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall. Bright pink andperfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says:

"There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"

The bank manager looks at her and says:

"It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone"
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Jakes lost his Marbles...if seen please give them back!

Postby Jake Sjet » Sun Aug 10, 2003 3:35 pm

These are the lyrics from the begining to a Lonestar song, their a country band. (So what if I listen to country! Is that a crime? Click!!, well the guns pointed at me would suggested it is!)

Unusually Unusual
She’s Unusually Unusual,
She introduced her self as Amy,
Said call me Caroline for short.
She said I just moved in three doors down,
So I wouldn’t be the girl next door.
And I knew the shoes,
She wasn’t wearing, fit her just right.
And she said, Hey man, did you know, some body left the grass,
In the yard all night?

She’s Unusually Unusual
Absolutely unpredictable
Yes she is
She’s so different but that so wonderful, hey
She’s Unusually Unusual
And that’s what’s beautiful to me.

She has a tattoo above her ankle,
Of a Trident submarine.
She says it symbolises awesome power
Hidden depth within our dreams
And her diamond eyes, different in colour
Held me captive in their light
Hey man, did you know, we used to be brothers?
Yeah! In some pasted life?

She’s Unusually Unusual
Absolutely unpredictable
Yes she is
She’s so different but that so wonderful, hey
She’s Unusually Unusual
And that’s what’s beautiful to me.

Oh yeah!
Some people might think she’s strange…
A different cup of tea…
But she just does it for me! Yeah!

She’s Unusually Unusual
Absolutely unpredictable
Yes she is
She’s so different but that so wonderful, hey
She’s Unusually Unusual
And that’s what’s beautiful to me.

That’s good enough for me!
She’s unusually unusual
Yes she is!
Ensign Keth Soban, Medic on the USS Legacy

Fellow Crew Injured By Keth: X


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Postby Zania Jaarda » Sun Aug 10, 2003 3:55 pm

I like the subtle hint in that song to one of the new proposed species! Nice find, Sjet!
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Sun Aug 10, 2003 3:57 pm

You Know You're Stressed Out When . . .

The Stars are too loud...

Trees are chasing you...

You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before....

You can see individual air molecules vibrating...

You question whether brewing is really a necessary step for the consumption of coffee....

You can hear mimes....

Things become "Very, Very Clear"....

You ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go....

You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before....

You keep yelling "LEAVE ME ALONE!!" even though you are the only one in the room....

It is clear that people are speaking to you in binary code....

You can travel without moving....

Apart from coffee, Antacid tablets become your sole source of nutrition....

You discover the aesthetic beauty of office supplies....

You have an irresistible urge to bite the noses of the people you are talking to....

You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before....

Losing your mind was okay, but when the voices in your head quieted, it was like losing your best friend....

You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing... ... Hey! Wait a minute...
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New Virus

Postby Zania Jaarda » Sun Aug 10, 2003 10:27 pm

There is a new virus out with the code name is WORK.

If you receive WORK from your colleagues, your boss, via e-mail or any where else, do not touch WORK under any circumstances. This virus wipes out your private life completely.

If you should come into contact with this virus, put on your coat and take two good friends and go straight to the nearest pub. Order three beers and after repeating that 14 times, you will find that WORK has been completely deleted from your brain.

Forward this warning immediately to at least 5 friends. Should you realize that you do not have 5 friends, this means that you are already infected by this virus and WORK already controls your whole life.

There is a medication you can take for this, but it's only temporary.  It's called VACATION.  However, VACATION only usually lasts for two weeks, and its effects die quickly after that.  And unfortunately, VACATION is only effective once a year, although for some people it can be used more then once a year.

Occasionally, VACATION can backfire, causing the WORK virus to return at the same level, or worse, than when you had used VACATION.
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Postby Jake Sjet » Mon Aug 11, 2003 2:27 am

Now all we have to do is show your goveremtn and mine that we've found one of Saddarn's secret WMD's, this WORK sounds like a weapon that could lay waste to iour ways of life.
Ensign Keth Soban, Medic on the USS Legacy

Fellow Crew Injured By Keth: X


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Postby Zania Jaarda » Mon Aug 11, 2003 6:55 am

LOL!! Too true, Jake!
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Mon Aug 11, 2003 6:57 am

"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline......"

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone, mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you."

If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lay down & cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blonde don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.
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Postby Taneth » Mon Aug 11, 2003 8:23 am

Why Engineers Don't Write Recipe Books:

Chocolate Chip Cookies:

Ingredients:
1.) 532.35 cm3 gluten
2.) 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
3.) 4.9 cm3 refined halite
4.) 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
5.) 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
6.) 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
7.) 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
8.) Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
9.) 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
10.) 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)

To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction.

Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston's first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown. Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.
If the apocalypse comes, I sure hope it comes in the form of Threadfall because I am SO getting a dragon.
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Postby Jake Sjet » Mon Aug 11, 2003 10:49 am

Why Doctors can't order food at a restraunt....

Okay I want thirty cc's of Bud Ice and the house wine stat!
Later on during the meal....
We begin with a vertical inision into the abdomin, oh my god! I asked for well done not medium rare! I hate it when I lose patients...
Ensign Keth Soban, Medic on the USS Legacy

Fellow Crew Injured By Keth: X


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"I will eat your soul :3"
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Jake Sjet
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Postby Zania Jaarda » Mon Aug 11, 2003 12:27 pm

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